How to Network Gracefully
A step by step guide on how to ask for help without throwing up
Hello friends,
Welcome to this week’s newsletter, “After Hours,” a name that captures the talking-about-work nature of my content, but also a bit of intimacy and casualness. You may notice that I’m sending this from a beautiful, new Substack account that’s dedicated to just career stuff (careercoachmandy.substack.com).
The idea is to create a single digital “home” for my career-related content, and the reason I switched over to Substack is because it houses it all in an archive, like a magazine. Which means that whether you subscribed yesterday or in seven weeks from now, you’ll be able to go back and read any/all relevant content as you wish. Given that the point is to create helpful, accessible, practical information on the job search and your identity with work — I want you to be able to get everything in one place (rather than searching your inbox for my name). My intention is to post new, helpful job content every Wednesday.
So welcome! Today’s topic is on networking, which was inspired by a call with a client that I had this week. Imagine that you are applying to jobs right now, but not getting the traction you hope for. Then, someone tells that “you should network more.” You panic, knowing that yes, you should — but also, ugh. Where do you start? How do you act? Is there even a point? Help, I feel weird asking for help.
“What am I even supposed to do,” my client asked.
Great question. Let’s start by talking about cold outreach, which is when you email someone out of the blue that you do not know. This is basically the art of trying to convince strangers to talk to you.
Consider these three cold email approaches:
Version 1:
“Hi, I’m a data scientist who is interested in joining NASA. Would you have some time to pick your brain? Thanks, Melody.”
This is what you write when you don’t know what else to write, and you are mortified by the whole exercise. The problem here is that while it is short and sweet, it is also not specific enough and we don’t learn anything about you. Why do you want to pick my brain? Aren’t there 200 other people, with a similar background, that you could reach out to? I don’t have time for this!!
Version 2:
“Hi Kelly,
I’m an SF-based data scientist who previously worked at Ernst & Young and graduated from UC Berkeley with a degree in economics. I saw that you’re a fellow Berkeley grad and that you also interned at Bank of America in New York. I’m interested in a few roles on the numerical research team at NASA (specifically this one [link]). I’m wondering if you might have 15 minutes to chat? I find that being able to speak to someone at the company can help my chances in my application.
Thanks,
Melody”
This version is 5x better. There is no such thing as a perfect version. But at least it has some more identifying details, an attempt at connection, and specific asks. Here is the role I’m interested in. Would you like to talk to me? Again, it doesn’t require a long scroll or more than a 20 second read. Try to do something like this.
Version 3:
“Hi Kelly,
Samantha Li, a mutual friend of ours, recommended that I reach out to you. I’m an SF-based data scientist (and fellow Berkeley grad) who previously worked at Ernst & Young and also interned at Accenture in New York. I’m interested in a few roles on the numerical research team at NASA (specifically this one [link]). I’m wondering if you might have 15 minutes to chat either this Friday or next? Or if you’re busy, I’m happy to send a few questions via email if that’s easier.
Thanks,
Melody”
Finally, this is similar to the version above, but it name drops a mutual friend. This increases the amount of social connection you potentially have, and increases the likelihood that the person will actually write back. You also give the person a graceful out, that they can accept questions via email, which reflects your awareness that you’re asking for a favor and that their time is valuable.
Write a great hook to get them to respond
Look, these emails are always awkward. But these emails aren’t written with poetry in mind; they are meant to stimulate a specific behavior. You want the person to read the email, and say “yes” to helping you. That’s the goal, ok? You can also try different hooks to get them to respond:
You went to the same school (“hi, fellow Brunonian here!”)
You are from the same city, or lived in the same city (this probably works better if it’s a smaller region, “hey, I also live in the hills of the PNW!” rather than “hey, I am also one of 8.4 million people living in New York City!”)
You went to the same bootcamp, grad school, writing program, etc.
You both worked at the same company, even if at different points
You read something they wrote, and you liked it. Tell them what you liked, specifically.
You saw them speak on a panel and you liked it. Be specific about what you liked.
Try to get a mutual friend to introduce you
A “warm intro” is when you know someone who knows someone, and they make the introduction on your behalf. Most people won’t even try this because, frankly, it requires double the work. But you should always, always try to get the introduction from someone else because they will feel bad if they don’t respond — so it increases your chances of having an actual conversation and a better outcome.
You can go about this in two ways. First, you can research your target list and then work backwards. Who do I know in my LinkedIn network that knows this person? Then, would they feel comfortable making the introduction? It’s always a good idea to gauge one’s comfort level: “if you would feel comfortable making the intro, I would love that. Or, if you don’t really know them, no worries — I totally understand.”
Second, you can reach out to your network with a general but specific ask: “Hey, I was wondering if you knew anyone in the eCommerce space, I’m trying to get my foot in the door at a retailer like Net-a-Porter or Nordstrom.” This can be a great option if you have nice, cheerleader-esq friends who are willing to sit cross-legged on the floor with you and brainstorm ideas. Bless them! But sometimes people have a tough time thinking of ideas and might respond to you with an uninspired, “sorry, I don’t know!” Which is garbage in my opinion, but alas, not everyone is a ride or die.
Networking etiquette
People meet with you because they’re trying to be nice and polite. How can you make it an easy and even pleasurable experience? When entering the conversation, take the lead. Have an agenda in your mind. Keep the conversation upbeat and quick. You are essentially the hostess at a dinner party (“can I take your coat,” “can I get you a glass of water, ice or no ice?”). You are smiley, upbeat, happy to see them!
At the 20 minute mark, say “I just want to check-in on your time, let me know if you have a hard stop — or if you have maybe 5 more minutes?” Don’t use them for their social capital, their opinion and thoughts are enough; don’t ask for them to introduce you to someone else (unless it happens organically). Asking for a “favor” of any kind after you’ve met them once is presumptuous; the favor is the meeting itself.
The most you should ask, after the first meeting, is “would you mind if I kept you updated on my progress?” — which is essentially saying, can I send you email updates every now and then in which I don’t expect any kind of work on your end.
But how do I talk and lead the conversation?
A sample intro might sound like:
“Thanks again for meeting with me. I know you’re busy, I really appreciate it. Would you like me to take a minute and just give you a refresher? Sure. So I’m a software engineer with 5 years of experience, I worked at Intel and I’m currently at a fintech startup. I love it, but I’ve been at my company for 3 years so it’s time for a change.”
Answer the question: “why are we here? what should we talk about?”
Then, be curious. Ask them about their story. What made them interested in pursuing their craft? Was it an obvious decision? Did they always know they wanted. to do that? What other things did they consider? Were there other options that they thought about, that might be relevant to your search? This may sound like:
“The reason I wanted to chat with you is because I know you’ve been at your company for the past three years, and I assume that it’s been going well given your tenure. You had a background in UX before becoming a designer, and I’m curious about …”
Thank them for their time, then send them a quick thank you note via email, too.
That’s all for this week. What do you think? What did I miss? Are there any super secret sneaky awesome cold email outreach tips that you’d like to share? Please comment in the box below!
xo
Mandy aka Career Coach Mandy