What Do I Do Next?
When you're stranded in the sea of "I don't fucking know"
Are you miserable at your job but have no idea what to do next? And then the not knowing only adds to your frustration? This is all very normal. Typically when we are in a toxic work situation, it clouds our judgment, strips our imagination, and makes it difficult to conceptualize a better life. We are met with “no” all day at the office — no, you can’t do the project like that, or no, you didn’t manage that situation correctly — that we can’t help but internalize the criticisms and turn the sword against ourselves.
All of the little criticisms at work become one giant, monster voice that tells us that we are being unrealistic in the job market, that we know what we want to do, but we can’t have it, or we’re not qualified enough, or we’ve been out of the game too long. Figuring it out is equal parts art and science, but I do think there are some concrete steps to take that can help lead you back to … you.
Here are some ideas:
First, start doing something that has no point, but brings you joy creativity:
Do something that you used to do as a kid, like paint or draw or go for a bike ride, or collect stickers or cook a big soup. Something that has no productive value, but simply exists to make you feel a little bit better. This helps because all we do is run around and try to do everything perfect and be productive and be on the leadership track.
Do something without any immediate payoff, so you can experience what it feels like to exist without reward. You are your own reward.
Second, you need to be your own hype person. Say some affirmations out loud:
Look, this is going to sound ridiculous, but you need to say things to pump you up. The other day, I got a 3 out of 5 star review on my “Should I Quit” journal. I’m not going to lie. I am a sensitive flower. The reviewer wrote, “3 stars, this is just an overpriced workbook.” Hahaha. Oh my God. I was so embarrassed. I was like, what do I even respond to this person? Then, I had a brief spiral where I thought, “oh my god, is it overpriced? Am I a fraud?”
I wrote, “thank you for the honest feedback!” Yes, I even added an exclamation mark (lame). Then, I coached myself. I was like, Mandy, why is this getting to you? Because it was bringing up feelings of being shamed in public. Like someone calling me out on a shoddy job. Nevermind that there were 19 other 5-star reviews. We remember the bad stuff. I realized I had to hype myself up. I started to say these things out loud. Like “Mandy, you’re great! You’re not a bad person! You’re an awesome person! You tried hard!”
Out loud! Arms in the air! Everyone is entitled to their opinion! Making my affirmations public, even though I was just in my office by myself. Then I got over it. I think the next time (because yes, life means constant curve balls) I’ll probably shrug it off like, okay, no biggie. But you have to go through the valley before you can emerge victorious.
Third, keep a written record.
You can type on your iPad, scribble in a journal, write one single word on a post-it every day. But you have to track your emotions so you can understand your progress. And also, so you remember that you have made progress. When I meet with clients, I always remind them, “wait a second, last time we met like two weeks ago, you didn’t even know what you wanted to do — and now you’ve already had three interviews? Holy shit, can we just take a minute and acknowledge the progress?”
Writing stuff down also helps with this. Also, this might sound weird, but try to write in a way that captures your creativity. Whenever I journal, I am usually met with a data dump of stressy shit. Like, “oh God how am I going to get this done, and I have to call this person back, and how am I going to hit this target, am I fat?” Then, if I keep writing past that initial word vomit, my mind feels pretty cleansed and it moves out of the way. Then, the heart speaks. “Wouldn’t it be cool if we could go for more hikes,” it asks. Or, “Hey, maybe you should pick up watercolor.”
When the heart speaks, and here’s the trick — it’s very quiet. It’s a whisper. It’s just these little hushes of ideas that bubble up imperceptibly. Like you could barely notice they are there. But you have to pay attention. You have to listen to it. It will never, ever, ever guide you wrong. Even if you’re like, um, remind me again of why I am swimming in this lake — I promise there is a reason for it. Maybe you just needed to remember the feeling of cool water against your head. Maybe you needed to awaken a tiny childhood part of yourself that loves a small, lapping wave.
And then that part awakens other parts, and pretty soon, you’re like holy shit I can no longer stay in real estate, I need to go back to school to get my MFA. This is a fake example, lol, but you get what I mean. All the little sleepy parts in you start to wake up, and suddenly, if you’re able to move the “no” energy out of the way, you can get some clarity.
Fourth, and lastly — you should hang out with open-minded people
If you are taking advice from people who’ve never taken a risk in their entire lives, you’re listening to the wrong people. If you have a choice between talking to a friend who spent a summer in an RV on the open road, versus a friend who’s only worked as an auditor for exactly two firms their whole life — just remember who you’re taking advice from. Be careful who you listen to. Remember their perspective. Remember what makes them feel safe. Ask yourself if they’re in a protective mindset or a wild one? Pick the wild. It’s more fun.
Everyone has a different purpose. In the early stage of your ideas, you want to surround yourself with dreamers: people who can imagine a different world, who are a little idealistic, who are going to support your creativity. Then, in the later stage when you’re dealing with more concrete decisions, perhaps you can bring your Type A besties to the table and ask for their advice. But don’t extinguish your dreams too early.
Well, that’s it for this week! I hope you are all doing awesome. I am continuing to share my thoughts on TikTok and am truly grateful for the fun, engaged, totally smart community that we’re building on there. For 2024, I had a goal of growing to 50,000 followers and I’m so proud to say that we’re nearly there — and it’s only June?!
Thank you to everyone who reads this! Forward to a friend if you’d think it would be helpful.
xo
Mandy aka Career Coach Mandy
PS. If you’re interested in the Should I Quit journal, it’s available on TikTok shop (they often offer discounts) and always on my website, www.mandytang.co. It is an 8.5 x 11 size workbook with guided prompts and questions that you fill out by hand. It’s been used by 1,500+ happy job seekers and has a 4.8/5.0 rating!